OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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