If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
