well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
