Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
