There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
