I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
