I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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