If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
