Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
