so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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