He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
