i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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