babies were throwing up all over the place
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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