I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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