Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
