i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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