tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
