Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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