i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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