you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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