I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
