if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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