Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
