Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
