I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
