Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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