Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
