I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
