Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
