so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
