yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
