the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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