Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
