If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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