you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
