Will you blow on my dice?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
