You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
