I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
