I've blown a few things in my day
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
