I accidentally burped into my bong.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
