When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
