so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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