I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
