I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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