i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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