Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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