I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize