the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
two words...techno handjob
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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