Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
