I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
do nipples grow back?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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