would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
