I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
