At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
