I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
