Don't you send me to vm
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
