I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
