The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
