I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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