i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
