Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
