I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
