I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
