She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
