I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
