so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
