The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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