Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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